Universe on a Stick
by Isaiah Hunt
Hi! Johnny Pluto here with another as-tro-nomical product.
Can we all agree that the ordinary universe can sometimes be dull, unattractive, full of disappointment?
Well, no longer will you have to face the monotony of this world when you’ve got a Universe On a Stick. That’s right, a Universe On a Stick! Any world, big or small, the Universe On a Stick will build them all! The Universe On a Stick includes:
A universe
A stick
And that’s it! It’s as simple as that. The only thing more simple is using it. Pop it right out of the box and right in your mouth, like a lollipop. Think pleasant thoughts, and all your dreams will come true. Yes, even the weird ones!
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Mr. Pluto, how do I know this is real? “
Homegrown in the most secure facilities of our lord and savior Perspective Incorporated, they’ve ripped the formula straight from our universe and embedded its code right here in this tiny stick. That’s as real as can be!
But it’s up to your brain to finish the job. Hero of your own story? You got it! A loving, capable family you can finally call your own? It’s all here! Skiing in space? Sure, why not!
Just look at these satisfied customers, straight from their own worlds!
When I first bought my universe on a stick, I wasn’t sure what to think. It was just a ball full of lights. Now, I’m a 21 year old successful man sitting on the balconies of my own L.A., sipping pink moscato with two kids-- a third one on the way. It feels good to be real.
You really can’t tell what’s what when it comes to a Universe On a Stick. But that’s the point.
It’s like your own choose-your-adventure.
I’m not coming back.
All this for just $5,000,000!
But wait, Call now and receive two for the price of one. It’s an out of this world deal!
WARNING: Refrain from using Universe On a Stick for a prolonged amount of time. Perspective Inc. is not responsible for neglect of bodily functions that includes (but is not limited to) eating, drinking, sleeping, and excretion. Comas, delusions, and sleep paralysis may occur. Contact your doctor first before using Universe On a Stick. Do not use Perspective’s Time-O-Rama 3000 to distribute this product throughout your timeline.
Born and raised as a proud Cleveland native, Isaiah Hunt focuses on near-future stories of his community, the entertainment industry, and transhumanist capitalism. When he’s not fiddling around with music, he’s dreaming of worlds adjacent to our own. He has recently finished his M.F.A. in Creative Writing and is a forthcoming Hopkins Fellow for John Carroll University. His work can be found at the Wick Poetry Center, Luna Negra, and Camel Coat Press. You can reach him at ihunt@kent.edu or Instagram @casual_dream.