Dear Prudence
by Ross Rosenfeld
Dear Prudence,
Like many others, I’m writing to you out of a sense of desperation because I fear that my relationship with my wife is deteriorating. We seem to have lost the magic that was there when first we met. I try – truly I do – I bring her flowers and movies and chocolates. I even bought her a new TV. But all she ever says to me is “Let me out of this basement, you psycho!”
She just can’t seem to get over the whole kidnapping thing. I mean, I understand where she’s coming from, but my view is that I wouldn’t have to chain her to the bed if she didn’t keep trying to escape.
True, I probably should’ve just asked her out that day eight years ago when I saw her coming out of the mall, but dating is so arduous and I already knew that we were meant for each other. I also knew that she would eventually realize that as well, and come to love me for who I am.
And for a time things did work out. I even let her roam around the garden some, and there were weeks that she didn’t try to either bash my head in or attempt to dupe me into giving her a phone. And there was once a solid month that I didn’t have to give her the treatment even once.
But nowadays it seems that no matter how much I love her – how much I tell her what she means to me – she just keeps playing the incarceration card – as if the fact that I’m forced to imprison her somehow makes her right about everything. She just doesn’t appreciate a single thing I do for her, and – let’s face it – she has it made! She doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to do any chores, doesn’t have to pay for electricity. And all I ask for in return is her complete and utter subordination (and some sexual requests that I won’t blacken this column with).
Honestly, sometimes I’m ready to just end the entire relationship. But then I look into her eyes and I just can’t give up on her.
Do you think it’s time to let her go? (From my heart, I mean – not literally – I still enjoy the sex.)
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
-Chained Heart
Ross Rosenfeld lives on Long Island with a rather short wife named Laura and their three lively daughters, who know him as “Fat Dada.” He has a B.A. in Education from Stony Brook and has appeared in numerous publications, including the Daily News, newsweek.com, The Hill, Washington Press, Sad Girls Club, VOIS, and Caterpillar. You can also find his work on Amazon, follow him on Twitter at @RossRosenfeld, or email him at rosenfeldross@gmail.com.